Day 3: Did you have any experiences as a child that foreshadowed your sexuality?
This, I could have answered this easily a couple years ago. I would have talked about the constant identification with women, the Girl Scouts and all the other things that made me a liberal, feminist lesbian.
Things are more complicated now that I'm neither a girl nor a lesbian. Around age 9-10, I developed a feminist conscience. And I wanted to avenge the wrongs. I also wondered, having heard about sex changes (it was the 70s, they were still sex changes), if many women wouldn't be better off doing that. I encountered this idea in a SF story later in my 20s, that a group of feminist women had started putting transmale operatives into politics to make the laws better. I also started to give serious consideration to one around age 15.
Around age 13, I came to despise girls my age and myself for any feminine weakness. It worsened, the more of them hopped on the "Act dumb to make boys like you" train. It was the 80s. They acted as if they'd blown and sprayed every brain out of their head with their big hair, I wore mine cropped, and dressed ever more masculine. I started wearing suits and ties for dress-up days around age 16.
It confused me, because I knew I was bisexual. I wanted guys and girls in equal measure, and I knew that while it was awkward for a girl to do that, it was utterly unacceptable for a guy to do that.
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