How my days will need to go if I am going to accomplish everything

 Up, bathroom, toilets
dress
cat boxes
wash
devotions
breakfast
make bed

Commute with audio book

work

Gym
shower
duolingo
lunch
writing/shopkicking (1 day/week)/crafting

Work

Commute with audiobook

Home
Dinner
Dishes
House chores
Recorder practice/crafting

Bedtime routine:
Make lunch
lay out breakfast
lay out clothes

2020 Round up

 It was a busy year even with the Plague.

I went through Second Realm at Summerland Grove. It was Shadow-Work and Ethics and various paths, as we came to understand ourselves and our path better. At times it felt like Group Therapy. And it was in a way. I ended up re-integrating my Shadow this summer. He's still a nuisance.

My Florida Trip was postponed in March, so Gabriel and I went in November. We had a lovely vacation and I want to go back when they have the monorail repairs done and the train running again.

I collected grandbaby pictures like they were rare baseball cards. I got to watch the boys open presents over Skype.

My baby girl got legally married. She'd been handfasted, but they signed the license. My oldest called her wedding off, broke up with the guy and moved to Texas.

I rearranged my Altar.

We made a stab at cleaning the house, and I found the front room. I finally have almost enough bookcases.

We got a new roof put on.

I read 26 adult books, watched 56 movies and recorded 14 stories for my grandsons.
The best movies I saw this year were Three Days of the Condor and The Conversation. 
The worst ones I saw were Annie Hall, Teen Spirit and It Comes At Night. All tedious, the first two weren't funny enough for what they were, and the last wasn't scary enough for what it tried to be.

The best book I read was Stephen King's On Writing.
The worst was Pawn of Prophecy. Cliche upon endless cliche and I could see all the story beats coming pages away.

I wrote a cookbook, and a couple of short stories.
I made shawls and a doily and arm warmers and hats and hotpads.
I took the recorder back up.

It was a strange and difficult year. But there were many good things.

New year planning.

 This year I will continue working at the bus and at Michaels.
I will try for the 50 book and 50 movie numbers again

House:

I have set up my planner with cleaning missions through June. 

I am in negotiations on repairs. I want to have climate control and a working kitchen this year

Religious:

I have church holidays through Sept. 

I have Kitchen Witch planning for Kithaka Dun (MayDay) 

I am signed up for Third Realm classes.
I have a daily devotional.

Things I want to do this year:
1) Complete the DuoLingo Irish and Spanish courses.
Begin the DuoLingo German and Italian courses, Also French and Hebrew

2) Practice the recorder at least an hour a week

3) Work out every day I work. I want to learn to run so I can run with the Wild Hunt in May

4) record 2 stories a week for the boys. 100 stories all year

5) write 1000 words a week, beginning tomorrow.

6) continue side hustling for the next Disney trip, but don't let it eat me, The $25/mo from Swagbucks, one day a week shopkicking, mystery shops are my best funding. Stash it in Disney gift cards and wait.

7) I will set up Patreon for at least the Picture of the Day posts all year. I want to write 1 post a week for my subscribers. I want to grow my patreon.

Gods willing, I will complete my goals.

A lovely vacation

 There are dumber things I could do than take a vacation in the middle of a pandemic after being out of work for six weeks.
I'm not sure what they are.

But the trip was paid for and reserved. And Disney is scrupulous about its masks and social distancing. So we went.

 

The only way this trip could have been gayer was if we'd worn glitter, high heels and feather boas.

Sunday, Gabriel and I drove from Memphis to Orlando. 800+ miles. Gabriel drove most of it. My legs were giving me trouble. I suspect I used up 3 months worth of cortisone in 2 weeks.
But we got there, and my scooter was awaiting us in the lobby.
The Days Inn on Polynesian Isle Blvd is a 2 star motel. It had working plumbing, a fridge and microwave, a good pool, was reasonably clean and the beds were free of vermin. That's pretty much what I ask, especially for $30/night. The Wifi was good on my phone, but Gabriel never did get his computer hooked in,
We moved in and I had a nice hot soak.
The water was over chlorinated. I cleaned the brita pitcher, filled our brita bottle, and made tea for chilling.
I bought our bus tickets and we checked our magic bands.
Then we set the alarms and crashed

Monday, we realized my phone had not changed over to Eastern Time.
So we dressed, ate some sausage and cheese balls and packed our snack bag.
I fired up the scooter and we headed to the bus stop a block away. (most convenient) Rather than the $25/day Disney parking, and fighting traffic, we rode in comfort for $8/day.
Then came the first hitch. Buses ran to Animal Kingdom and Hollywood and Epcot from the Polynesian resort, about 3/4 of a mile away. We were already overheated and tired when we caught the bus.
So it was through a second temperature screen and a second bag check. (About 5-10 minutes all told)
And we were in.

We hiked to the back of the park and caught the Kilimanjaro Safari.

 

Our driver Axel was pleasant to listen to, knowledgeable and a good driver. I want his job. We saw a lot of animals and an ostrich got so close I could have petted it, if I didn't value my fingers.

After the Safari, I had a Dole Whip, with rum so dark it tasted like the molasses.

I caught the pin collecting bug. I now have Maleficent and her raven, a gingerbread Millennium Falcon, a rainbow castle, Robin Hood and Little John and Hop Low (the mushroom from Fantasia, more about that later)

 Gibbon Island in the Kali queue

Then it was over to Kali River Rapids. We got very wet. The guy working the disability dock wasn't there so they sent us around again. We were thoroughly soaked by the end of the ride and had laughed ourselves silly.

The line for Expedition Everest was terribly long, but I waited in it with Gabriel until we reached the entrance of the ride. Then I chickened out. I took a turn through Hester and Chesters DinoLand USA and waited for him in the smoking section.

After a couple cigarettes, we decided to eat and do one last thing, Flight of Passage.
We had lunch at Satu'li Canteen in Pandora. The food was amazing, possibly the best thing we ate all week,

The line for Flight of Passage was brutal, stretching so far back into Africa, I could have had another dole whip with rum at Tamu Tamu. and someone gave us the informationa bout how disability passes worked. 

But we got in and on, and the lady went the extra pixie-dust step. I am fat, but I am solid fat and not squishy fat. Gabriel squished into the vehicle. We had to work to get mine locked and it wasn't comfortable. But then the ride started and it was ALL worth it, line, squashing and everything. Best 4 minutes of Gabriel's life.

We hiked out, my scooter battery dying by inches. Then a bus to the Poly and the long walk to Ticket and Transportation. We caught the 56 bus and went home. I soaked and we giggled about the day. I made sure the phone was on Eastern time.

Tuesday was Magic Kingdom. This was much easier. We took the Ferry Boat and strolled a lot. We checked in with Disability services and got registered. 

Breakfast was Starbucks on Main Street USA
Thoth sent us a messenger.

Then it was off to Fantasyland.
We rode Peter Pan's Flight, which was better than the Youtube videos because it was darker.
Small World was a walk on (almost, maybe a 5 minute wait), so we walked. Gabriel gawked saying he didn't know there were this many animatronics ever.
Goofy's barnstormer was a fun little roller coaster and we laughed our heads off on the tea cups, which were about 30 second too short. 

In Tomorrowland, we got a return time for Space Mountain, had some water and a pepper jack stuffed pretzel, and waited.
Space mountain has you transfer from scooter to wheelchair. There were a lot of ramps. Gabriel was having trouble on a downslope so I said I had it and he should let go. He did and I barreled to the bottom yelling "Banzai! Coming Through, Gravity Works!" There was no one between me and the bottom but the teens on the other side of the rail looked worried at the crazy lady in rainbow mouse-ears. 

I still hate Space Mountain. I screamed all the way through, getting shrill and panicky toward the end. Gabriel cackled in my ear like a mad scientist whose death ray just tested out lethal.

We went for a smoke so I could calm down. We signed up for Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom but didn't play. Next time. There was a parade, and Santa looked down from the float and waved and announced "I like your ears," to us. Made Gabriel's day.

Pirates of the Caribbean was not what I remember, but I loved it. Gabriel bought a hat for Rowan, and didn't get a bag. I ended up wearing it,

We went for lunch at Pecos Bill's. I had the nachos. It was good but unremarkable. I chickened out on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, so we got a return time for the Haunted Mansion. We made a visit to Memento Mori, and I got a Madame Leota key chain.. I loved it, even if we did miss the portrait room by taking the disability entrance. Gabriel was meh. But he was overheated and tired by then and was expecting something rather ghastlier.

Bert there flirted with Gabriel. Peter Pan informed me Captain Hook was looking for me

Wednesday was our day off.

We slept in, swam for a long time and then went to Old Town for a photo session and a Ferris Wheel ride. Got a little screwed on that. We went around twice.
Dinner was Buca di Beppo which was about Olive Garden level.
We spent a quiet evening in, and Gabriel finished reading a book. I mended his cargo shorts and made a couple of masks, neither of which fit.

Thursday:
This was the day we had waited for. We were up at 630 and Gabriel scored a spot on Rise of the Resistance for us, group 77. We took our time, had omelets and packed up. 

We didn't get out of Black Spire Outpost all day. We played the game on Play Disney Parks. GAbriel is now a Major in the Resistance.
We flew the Millennium Falcon. SQUEE! I stepped into the cockpit and promptly thumped the area over the entrance. It was one party per unit, so we piloted. We were pretty dreadful at it. But when we made the jump to light speed, I knew I was living one of the best moments of my life.



We had lunch at Docking Bay 7: Felucian garden platter (plant based meatballs and hummus), smoked kaadu ribs with slaw and a muffin and a Baatu-bon. It was all really excellent. The plant meatballs were tasty. The smoked ribs were an experience. The slaw was red cabbage with a vinegar base and with the rub was a superbly satisfying pair. The baatu-bon was chocolate cake with a coffee custard and purple vanilla coating. Very good. Not sure what the green and yellow are but they added to things tremendously.

  

We shopped and I got my Spira. I promised it to Hermes if he helped this trip happen. It is in his offering bowl right now.

 
It was time for the big ride. It was a bit of a walk. The Imperials were surprisingly careful of me in my scooter. "You are all under arrest for interrogation. Those who can walk on their own first. You on the transport, follow." I was pulling the "Cocky spacer" routine as much as I could while on a scooter. "Yeah, birthday in an interrogation chamber, probably not the most fun way to spend it." The lieutenant said "If you'd been that wise to start with you wouldn't be." I gave him the one sided smile,"Things are tough all over for the independent businessman."
The ride was awesome and terrifying. Gabriel had a moment at the end when he realized "Oh crap, this is an escape pod." That's when it launched. I screamed a little.

We came down, giddy as thunder.

Gabriel went shopping and I caught the conference call with my family. Grandbaby is so big.

After a dinner of Ronto Roasters, in the emptiest Disney Restaurant I've ever seen, we decided to call it a night. I had a brain wave and we took the bus to the Grand Floridian and the monorail to the Ticket center. Saved a lot of walking

Friday was Epcot.

I wanted to try the skyliner and the first leg went swimingly. Then the line at the Caribbean Beach Resort was half an hour long. In the sun. Gabriel was done before we got there.

We had an early lunch at the Coral Reef. It was very good: shrimp and cheese grits with andouille succotash The view of the aquarium was breath taking.

 

After lunch, we got our return time for Spaceship Earth and did some shopping the in pin trader store. I saw Hop Low on the trade board and asked that he be held. I went in and bought a blind pack (a mystery pin for $6) and brought it out to trade. It was a Baymax backpack and Gabriel wanted it. So e went in and bought a blind pack. It was an old style Donald Duck, and I got my Hop Low. He's my favorite in Fantasia.

Spaceship Earth was all right. A bit Eurocentric and a little dated. but a good ride nonetheless. 

We rode The Seas with Nemo and Friends, which was a walk-on, and made our way to The Land. Soarin was amazing. It had a wait, so we rode Living With the Land. It was interesting about farming and seeing the places where they actually grow the Disney vegetables was fascinating.. 

Canada did little to grab us. Neither did the UK. We explored Morocco, but didn't buy anything. Gabriel was tempted by a blue fez.

  

France had the Grand Marnier slush and the Buche de Noel. Both of which were terrific. The L'Chaim stand had glorious smoked Salmon and the best pastrami ever.


Japan had the New years noodle, which were very nice. And we shopped in the huge department store. I came out a scarf, chopsticks and a lucky cat. Gabriel got much of his Yule shopping done.

In the US pavilion, we caught the end of the Voices of Liberty performance and enjoyed a sweet potato funnel cake. The Regal Eagle Smokehouse is very smoky but I was too full even as my mouth watered.

Italy and Germany held little interest as we were exhausted. 
We went into the big Chinese shop, which had some nice things. I came out with a peacock comb and mirror set that almost made me cry.

In Norway, we visited the stave church and paid our respects to the Norse pantheon. Gabriel wasn't sure about it but was glad he went in. 

We ignored Mexico, except to look at the decorations as we left.

And then, as we were having the last smoke before travel, we discovered where to plug the scooter in! We could have charged it all week. 
Now we know for next time.

We took the bus to the Grand Floridian (Epcot monorail was under repair) and monorailed to the ticket center.

A last bus ride home, and we loaded the car for the trip to Memphis.

Wish List

 In Grand Thanksgiving Tradition, I follow my days of being thankful for what I have with a request for more.

I have had much to be thankful for this year, dreadful as it was.
We have not gotten Covid.
The enhanced unemployment allowed us to get ahead.
School started back so I made money
I got to take my Disney Trip.
I do not have MS
I was not shot in an active shooter incident.

I have made many thing, written a few things and enjoyed myself more than I should in a Plague year.

But Kheltiamas is upon us, and folks want to know what to get me

1) I have a Pinterest board devoted to the subject: https://www.pinterest.com/valarltd/shut-up-and-take-my-money/

2) I also have an Amazon Wishlist, or two  https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/JJ5EO32KKAUR

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/Y45SMBOQHTFK

3) Tarot decks are always welcome

4) Striped Knee socks are never the wrong answer

5) Gift cards: Kroger, Wal Mart, Disney, gasoline, are always a good call

6) shelves. I can always use shelves

7) Patreon subscribers https://www.patreon.com/NickRowan

8) I also have a BPAL wishlist https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/wishlist/805F7D/

If you have imps you no longer love, I will give them a good home

A Disquieting thought

 I had an interesting convo with my sister. She suggested a cause for my physical stuff I hadn't thought of: MS

So I googled symptoms:

fatigue- I have been exhausted for at least 15 years.

vision problems - I'm legally blind, but don't have the pain or the double vision

numbness and tingling - I have two toes that feel perpetually asleep. I woke up today with 2 fingers that were pins and needles

muscle spasms, stiffness and weakness- yes, yes and yes. If I stay in one place too long I get muscle spasms. I also have restless leg. if I don't constantly work out, I lose muscle tone very quickly and start having trouble getting out of my chair.

mobility problems- I've always had clumsiness and ataxia, they're a function of Levy-Roussy. tremors and vertigo are starting, but not frequent. I have trouble balancing immediately after I stand up. I have been falling more and more frequently.

pain- I have the joint pain as a function of arthritis.

problems with thinking, learning and planning - I've been feeling a lot stupider lately. Learning new things is hard and I don't retain them well. I am slower to process information. And I lose words all the time. Sudoku takes me forever when I used to blitz through. I have trouble with executive function that I never used to. I would decide what to do and then do it. Now I'm all fuzzy.

depression and anxiety--well yeah

sexual problems - my libido has bottomed out, I figured the dryness was menopause

bladder problems - most of my problems are from prolapse.  But the whole "never seem to empty the bladder entirely" has been bugging me for a couple years now.

bowel problems - I don't have the constipation.

speech and swallowing difficulties - people are having more trouble understanding me and I;m not sure why. I try to enunciate. Every now and then the swallowing thing crops up. 


I'm definitely talking to my neurologist.

The night the fear became real

 I've been working a haunted house this season and having a terrific time doing it. 

Even being decapitated by his own clowns can't keep Phineas Featherstone down. Revived by Electrification! Motivated by pure evil! The show must go on at Featherstone's Autumnal Phantasmagoria!
Trapped, chained in his electrified wheelchair for a hundred years, Phineas has set all his mad cannibal clowns loose in the Fearzone, and possibly a tiger as well. Or maybe he's joking about the kitty treats...

I was a breather scene. A moment for them to catch their breath, regroup after what I call the Zombie Picnic Park and before they ended up in the woods where the clowns and cultists and chainsaws scared them silly.

"Sit on old Phineas' lap pretty girl, and he'll tell your future." (no takers for that)

But last night...

A young lady complained that a cast member had slapped her bottom. 
She went to tell her brother and he and several buddies showed up with long guns to see if they could make the fake blood real. The punchline: yes, she did get hit on the butt. By a tree branch.

My first clue was one of our security guys asking "How fast can you get out of those chains?" and he briefed me. By the time he was done, I was out. "Call me Houdini," I said.

We headed for the building to take cover. I was in the picnic park, the big empty flat back yard, with the enormous yard light, when the first shot cracked.

Al, our assistant manager bellowed for everyone to get down. I hit the dirt. And I scared the daylights out of Ducky, who is 15 and had decided they were my caretaker. (Daddy's friend doesn't walk well. I've got him!) They thought I'd been shot.

Al shouted for everyone to get into the woods. Another shot cracked.

I got to a crawl to get under the Caution tape and got up. Ducky got me by the hand and we went into the woods. I fell once, despite the help. Ro, Al's roommate, and Charlie, Al's 14 yr old son were with us. We found a sheltered hollow, down-slope of a large log. We had to work to make Charlie stay with us rather than look for his dad. We reminded him that Al was responsible for everyone, but we needed to keep him, Charlie, safe.

I told the kids I was going to ward us. They didn't know about wards. I said "I'm a witch, you're getting a force field." I put up a fence ward and a dome ward. We lay quiet and still. I could see out of the woods. As I lay there, with my friend and covenmate, and friend's kids, I could see out of the woods. I have crummy vision but excellent night vision and I'd been out in the dark for hours. 

I saw a man with a long gun walking past the edge. I made sure I wasn't seen and whispered that everything was okay.

We lay quietly, breathing slowly and deeply, staying calm, until the sirens and lights announced the police. I tried getting to my feet and fell. I struggled back up, took two steps and tripped on something. This time I yelled. I lay still and fussed a while because this was the fourth time tonight I had ended up on the ground unwillingly. And it HURT. They called for police aid, saying we had a person down. As I cussed my way back to my feet, the cops found us. I was just vertical and they demanded we get on the ground with out hands visible.
"You gotta be kidding, I just got up!" But I went down anyway and kept my empty hands visible.

Once they ascertained the four of us were no threat, they checked to see if we were all right. They tried to help me up, but I ended up having to do it myself. One of them spotted me to make sure I didn't fall on the way out of the woods. The other went and got my wheelchair.

I settled in and waited. Al hugged his kids long and hard, and all of them hugged Ro and me. Our 6'7" chainsaw clown was having PTSD and clung to me for a while. My blanket made the rounds to warm and comfort everyone. Charlie had a panic attack, but Al is a paramedic. And the guys with equipment helped.

When we were ready to go, I wrestled the wheelchair into the Focus and drove to Cat's. I briefed Cat and Gabriel on the way. Al and Ro took the kids home.

Cat had food for me, and we went to Gabriel's place to wait for Al and Ro to get home. I changed clothes and ate and tried not to crash from the adrenaline. When I came home, I showered and went to bed, but Mudd was awake and I told him everything as he cuddled me.

Today, I had to go see Olivia who needed her Mommy.  I also resigned from the Haunt. My legs hurt so much. My right knee is  hot through my pants from inflammation. My arms ache. I am cold and even when I'm too hot, I'm cold.

So, Phineas Featherstone's Autumnal Phantasmagoria folds its tents and steals into the night, leaving behind the zombie picnic park and some blood stained concrete.

[Pagan] A conversion story

 So, Nicky, how did a nice little Methodist girl become a non-binary Hellenistic pagan person?

I got asked about how I became pagan and why. Let's say there's a reason for the blog title.

I was raised Methodist. Church every Sunday, the occasional pot-luck or ice cream social, and the annual Turkey Supper. Communion once a quarter. I was an acolyte after I was confirmed at age 9 and proved I could walk down the aisle with the candle-lighter and not fall or set fire to anything. 

When I was 13, my folks left the Methodist church. The pastor was embezzling and when Mom and my stepdad confronted him at a church meeting, he attempted to assault them. There is a process for getting a new pastor, and my folks were unwilling to continue attending while the church worked through it.

They started in at the Lutheran church, so I went along. Another round of confirmation classes, and I found I disliked the general doctrines of the church. I started going to the Baptist church with my grandparents. Mom quit the Lutheran church and went to a different Baptist church. The pastor was a raging homophobe, exactly what my sexually confused self needed at that time.

By the time I hit college, I was looking for a solid church, one that wasn't going to drag me into the weirdness of charismatic Christianity, one that wasn't insane. My boyfriend went to an independent Bible church, and they did mostly book studies. It appealed to me as an intellectual. They turned out to be crazy too. They had gotten so far into the pro-life movement, they were ending up in the nascent quiverfull and dominionist movement. I bought into it. After all, I wanted a better world for my kids.

And boy did I have kids. I have four because I woke up before I had five. God might forget I was bisexual if I married a man and made lots of little God-warriors.

We church-hopped a lot after we moved to Arkansas. Eventually working 3-5 jobs between us meant we were not able to attend on Sundays.

So I drifted, being a Christian in an every day kind of way without regular church. When the kids got bigger, I tried the Methodist church in West Memphis and it was all right for a while. Then my oldest asked about pagans. She was about 11 or so. I found the local group and we went to one of their full moon circles.

It didn't do much for me, but she was moved. She read books on paganism and began identifying as a witch and as bisexual around 12-13. So I went with her for Sabbats with Summerland Grove. Her sibs tagged along, but only my youngest, another girl, stayed with it.

I was identifying as Cambellian Christian by then, taking Joseph Campbell and his Monomyth theory with my religion. I realized I was scarcely what most would call a Christian. I was working for Christian Brothers University and learning there were other ways to be Christian, rather than the rigid, self-righteous path of denial and austerity and judgement I had been raised with, and other beliefs than Premillennialism.

Bun came out bisexual and I needed to accept my own. I volunteered at the Gay & Lesbian center as she attended the local gay youth group meeting. That sealed my walking away.

In 2005, when Bun was 13, we went through the First Realm course with Summerland Grove. This is an exploratory class, an introduction to paganism. I identified as a pantheist by the end of it. Bun was identifying as Wiccan.

In 2006, both my girls had mental breakdowns. Bun spent much of the year in a mental hospital. Oli, age 6, started self harming. Both were hearing voices. I was having visions and being granted knowledge that if I returned to Christianity all this would stop. If I didn't, my girls would die.

I faced God and walked backward into paganism. I defied him to murder my girls over my beliefs, telling him he wasn't worthy of worship if he stooped to abuse tactics like this. 

I had not been called by any god. But as I learned to drive semi-trucks in 2006, I called on Freyja frequently for aid. She didn't listen. Not my pantheon.

It was 2007 before I figured out my patron was Hera. I called on her for a spell (binding a bad boyfriend). Those I did the spell with said I was gone. I have no memory of anything after lighting the incense. My eyes went blue, they said (my eyes are brown), not blue but Freman blue, and Hera was in the driver's seat. We cast so hard we made a bottle of mead spoil and I couldn't be around men for three days without splitting headaches.

After that, I devoted myself to the Queen of Olympus. Hermes took me up as I realized he was in charge of all my pursuits: travel, writing, merchant work. He also got me terrific parking.

I went my way, praying and lighting candles and reading tarot cards. Never really got serious about it, just a small daily practice and church on the holidays. Most forms of magic are nothing more than applied will. There are some I like but most of the time, I prefer to apply directly, without the hugger-mugger.

Bun became a follower of Aphrodite and the Cyprian smiles on her still. Oli went with Poseidon, because she always has been a water-baby.

We celebrated with Summerland Grove until it went weird and started falling apart when the High Priestess died. They're making a comeback, finally finding their feet after that upheaval. Some friends and I started a small coven, which grew, went wonky as the wrong people joined the mix, and fell apart. We tried again a couple years ago and have a solid church with state recognition and about 30 members now.

I fell into paganism because the kids were interested, got committed to the idea of offering a queer-friendly church (which Summerland is and the Polestari definitely is) and the gods took me up when they were ready. Most recently, the Morrigan laid claim to me a couple years ago.

Suffrage growing in unpopularity with Republicans

 Activist Abby Johnson spoke at the RNC this week. She supports Head of Household voting. That means one household, one vote, the husband's.

I've been tracking anti-suffrage sentiment on the Right for a while.

In 2014, I posted a journal entry that linked to Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, David Barton and others saying women shouldn't vote.

This post in 2012 talks about fringe ideas becoming mainstream policy. That was the year the GOP came out anti-birth control. 

"Even Operation Rescue wasn't anti-birth control in the late 80s. Even they realized more BC meant fewer abortions.

Then came abstinence-only sex ed. And talk about the failures of birth control.

I sounded the alert that Roe was teetering and Griswold was in the crosshairs. Everyone said I was nuts, I was overdramatizing.

This year, ALL the major Republican candidates came out AGAINST BIRTH CONTROL!

Twenty years from lunatic fringe to mainstream political endorsement. Think about that.

And think too, there are lunatic fringe voices now calling for the disenfranchisement of women. They want to take my VOTE!

Twenty years from lunatic fringe to mainstream...."

Now, the keynote speaker is anti-suffrage.
It was only 8 years this time.

THings I must do

Edit Terror
Write Helluva Deal
set up Patreon posts
turn switchblade comb into knife
revamp Mack
Mail vid of Mack to jinxedaposed@gmail.com by Aug 11
Write cookbook
inventory all the made things
Make ALL THE THINGS!!

A poll for you, my readers

All right folks, survey time! This is going out on all my social media.

Choose as many as apply

1) How do you prefer to interact/follow/read me?

A) Patreon

B) Website

C) Blog

D) Facebook

E) Twitter

F) Instagram

G) Tumblr

H) Mailing List

I) Newsletter

j) Interpretive Dance

K) Dreamwidth/LiveJournal

L) Telepathy

M) Live chats (Zoom, skype)

N) Podcasts/Youtube

2) What content do you want to see with regard to writing

A) Covers

b) Reviews

c) excerpts

d) Art of Writing

e) Mental casting

f) kidnapped celebrities being forced to act out scenes, with a venmo so we can pay them scale

3) What misc content do you want?

A) Politics

B) Cat pictures

c) Arts and crafts

d) personal updates

e) cat pictures

f) grandkid pictures

g) pagan religion posts

h) cat pictures

i) recipes

j) grandkid pics

k) cat pics

l) memes

m) drag stuff

n) cat pics.

Pagan: Basic Sigil Work

My favorite info page on making Sigils is a 404. So I have cribbed it from the Wayback Machine and put it here.

Papa Nick sez: Remember, a sigil is a Wish spell trapped in a design. be VERY careful how you formulate it.


From A Beginner's Guide to Sigil Making

 One important thing to note is that sigils always appear to work. The distinction being; if I kicked in a window, I’d feel I knew who’d done it. If I cast a sigil which asked for that window to be broken and then discovered a few days later it was now broken, no one can prove a causal relationship between the sigil and the broken window. However I might get the impression that my sigil was involved in the process somewhere.

Secondly, the following is a (in my opinion better) version of other ideas that have been kicking round recently such as, The Secret, Cosmic Ordering, and, to a lesser extent, “positive thinking”. It’s also similar to “praying,” if you think your God lives within you.

All these above techniques have common elements. All of them are pretty much in agreement regarding the first part of the process, set your intent. The most effective Discordian occultists spend more time on step one than they ever do on step four.

Step one: Decide upon your will.

— All your workings should be done with pieces of paper and a pen.

This is the hardest part. You need to imagine what it is you want as clearly as possible. Then refine it until you’ve got a vision of what it is you ‘really’ want. Then refine it again after you’ve imagined the earth shifting upon its axis in order to grant this wish over the next few years. Check you’re good with the consequences and then, refine it again. I can’t emphasise this enough. See the further reading section for more details.

Once you’re happy write it out as a single sentence:

EG: I AM A HEALTHY FOURTEEN AND A HALF STONE, ENERGETIC PERSON.

Notice a few things about the above. When I cast this I wanted to be 14 and a half stone. There are many ways this could have happened, some of them include ill health. Hence the words healthy and energetic.

Think of those old fairy stories where someone makes a wish and there are tragic consequences. King Midas wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. He ends up regretting his wish. The difference between your sigil becoming a blessing or a curse is in its detail. Give it lots of thought. Write and re-write the sentence. Check the further reading section for more information.

Also notice, it’s not “I WANT TO BE” or “I AM THIS AND NOT THAT”. Negatives in sigils are just negative! If you write “I WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE” look forward to a life of wanting to be a millionaire. Remember what we learned in part one where you began lucid dreaming. What would happen to you if you dived into the dream world with negatives in your mind?

If you truly have followed this series from part one, as opposed to most who will have  just casually landed on it and curiously read to this point, why not try to lucid dream your intended future first and try it out a bit? If, for example, having lots of sexual partners gets messy in that world ditch it and come up with a better wish. It needs to feel like a world you are comfortable in. Once that’s the case, state it as if you are already there, in that positive future.

As an exercise imagine you’re in that future calling back into the past when you wrote out this sigil. Try describing and declaring what it’s like in as much detail as possible. Now listen out for your “imaginary” future self shouting “I’m the owner of a brand new convertible and I love it” or whatever. Now, write it down!

Finally a note of caution here. Remember we spoke about ‘true will’ in the last piece? Well, if your dreams and visions involve others do not enchant realities which compromise their true will.

So, for example, don’t put “I am married to Dave who works in accounts”. Ask for a less uncompromising: “I’m married to a bloke like Dave who works in accounts”. This doesn’t rule Dave out of the equation, after all who is more like Dave than Dave? However if he thinks you’re a repulsive creature who he’d rather vomit over than have sex with, you’ve given the poor guy a get out and you can still get what you need. Far better to enchant someone, like him who likes you of their own free will.

It’s not unlikely you’ll encounter minor problems with all this but remember what you learned in part three and fear not: you will live and learn!

There’s nothing to stop you doing another sigil in the future.

—

Step Two: Remove the vowels and repeated letters.

The first step was by far the most important part. These next bits are 1% of sigil craft and the bit you’ve just done was the remaining 99%. However, this 1% which I’m about to explain is the more “magick” bit. It’ll make you feel more like ‘an occultist’ and there’s enormous value in that.

This means you should check you’re comfortable with what you’ve just done as part of this second step. You need to feel good on both a subconscious and intuitive level about the sentence you’re turning into a weird looking symbol. If you’re not it’ll come out in the process later on once the sigil is cast. For now, I’ll assume you are and crack on.

Firstly, sigils are crafted and re-drafted by a process of elimination. Like a sculpture you’re going to chip and chisel that sentence down until it looks like a sort of magical wingding. Begin this by removing the vowels and repeated letters, leaving yourself with a string of consonants, like so:

MHLTYFRNDSGCP



Step three: Combine the letters into one big pattern and begin reducing it into a simpler image.

This bit is where most people get in a tizz. Remember the most difficult part of the process was over once you’d finished step one. There are no rules as to how you go about combining the letters but I find it best to jumble them all into one big squiggle. The main picture is an example of the one we’re looking at. Ultimately it was successful and I used a revised version to hit my target weight of 13.5 a year later. This is down from my initial 18.5 stone.

Keep re-drawing it and omitting details as you go along. The point of this process is to lose sight of what it is the sigil means. Keep drawing until the exact point of your work is irrelevant to you. Get really bored of the process and lose sight of why it is you’re bothering with such superstitious nonsense. Make it look more and more “magickal” to you. Hit a point where it starts to become a labour of love which is totally detached from your initial intent.

The finished product must look perfect and beautiful. It represents the total of your efforts. This is now a sigil, yet to be cast. It represents a thought which you are about to plant into the collective dreamworld so it can start to descend into the world of objective reality and your future.


Not quite but almost the finished product

Treasure it a bit. Don’t cast it straight away. Be pleased with it.

Step Four: Cast it.

People are divided upon how exactly you should do this. You’re looking for an intense transcendental experience where you can focus on this image and force it through your mind into the magical dream world while you are fully conscious. Pain, meditation, orgasm, psychedelic-transcendental drugs or all of the above combined are popular methods. Whichever you’re best at. Combine the intense experience with a good solid look at the sigil. Then close your eyes and think of it. Project it into your minds eye and out into the cosmos. Then destroy the paper it is drawn on and forget all about it.

One simple way, which I use, is with a candle. Have the sigil drawn on a piece of paper. Burn it and then let the flame burn (but not harm) your fingertips. At that precise moment close your eyes and picture it in your mind. There we are, it’s cast. The pain should have done enough to distract you and send it neatly into the world of ideas…

There are numerous other methods[5] but the most important part is, as I said, step 1.

Once you’ve cast your sigil you must then aid its descent into the real world. If you asked for a new job, get applying for them. If you wanted to lose weight like I did, stop eating those chocolate cakes.

23

Nick Margerrison.

—

FURTHER READING:

Any fairy tale where a wish is granted. Any story featuring a Djinn in a bottle who grants wishes. The story of King Midas.

—

Notes from the (fictional) Second Civil War

A few years ago, the rumor went around that liberals would launch a second civil war on July 4.
Some of us took the idea and ran with it on Twitter.

#secondcivilwarletters
Our side woefully deficient in marching music. Other side using extruded pop country product. Have taught my squad mates "March of Cambreadth"
Sound the Horn and Call the Cry/How many of them can we make die
They say it's too violent.

#secondcivilwarletters
Beloved.
Killed my first man tonight. He had attempted to steal into the encampment but I had sentry duty. I muffled his scream with a handful of kale and garroted him with my bow tie.
My hands still shake. But at least I don't have to eat the kale.

#secondcivilwarletters
Mother,
I know you fear for my safety as I march into battle. Take courage that you gave the middle name Wyatt for a reason. No, wait, you named me Marie. I am with the 32 TransForce and we will be securing bathrooms for our siblings throughout the country.

#secondcivilwarletters
Baby Girl,
coming home in a wheelchair. Battle of Target Bathrooms went in our favor but a MAGA clipped me in the sciatica and stomped my weather ankle. I fought so you don't have to.
Feeling too old for this shit,
Your genderqueer Mom.

#secondcivilwarletters
Beloved Husband,
Would I was with you, leading the PFLAG Brigade , armed with science in the face of those who need no book learning. Alas, the injury sustained with the 32nd Transforce will leave me limping manfully forever.
Your Nick

#secondcivilwarletters
After three weeks recovery, I have a new assignment, Glitter Artillery. My drag sisters have accepted me as one of them, although Sr. Claire from Accounting keeps trying to contour me. We're psyops, and hope to raise many questions among the MAGA

#secondcivilwarletters
Beloved Husband,
I hear the PFLAG Battalion has been doing wonderful work with psyops. I have left your brother-husband in charge of the household for I have been resummoned to the front.
Pray for me.
Blood! Blood and Souls for my Lord Arioch!

#secondcivilwarletters
Dear Son,
Be proud of your old man. I am in charge of a unit in the Leaflet and Glitter Artillery stationed above Memphis. We're sowing discord in Nashville.
Must go reload shells. Hitting Music Row tomorrow.
Artillery 4ever
Dad

#secondcivilwarletters
The ninja unit attached to our artillery has successfully infiltrated the enemy and strewn wigs, binders, suitcoats and heels among them. Dawn found confusion in the MAGA lines, and we took in seventy defectors as POWs. They will be sent to TransForce.



More, from all over the country can be found under the hashtag on twitter.

and a curated collection can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/libbiegrant/posts/10156197558964597

Thinking about female characters

This showed up on my twitter and it got me thinking.

I don't write a lot of women. There's not much room for them in the gay romance genre.
But I do include some.

In Curse of the Pharaoh's Manicurists (and other books in the series) I have 4 standard women, and other guest stars. Sarah Brown is a Mako Mori. She has her own narrative arc, although our narrator only catches glimpses of it. She is the primary adversary.  General Elizabeth has lines, but she is strictly support. Janine and Olivia, the housemaids, are silent and efficient, as good Edwardian maids should be. Safi and Josette could be replaced with sexy lamps. Rishima could be problematic, as a dayaan, an Indian witch, but she and Charlie talk and exchange magic, and their relationship not one-sided. She stands in as a magical mentor while he's away from Dr. Walker.

In the Eight Thrones... Tanis is the only woman in the Group and she fails the Strength is Relative. She would much prefer to be one of the boys and acts as if she is. As we visit Rome, we encounter Benta, Padma, Akino and others, all of whom have their own arcs, some of which we see. We failed the Anti-Freeze by killing Charlotte in the first book. Betraying her to her death was part of a test of Nick's commitment to the group.

In the DJ books, we pass the Bechdel, she is her own arc, she is not sexy and cannot be replaced with a lamp, but she is regularly injured in her line of work (Way too many of my cases ended with the words "You're lucky to be alive.")  But again, she is furthering her own story. And she is a hard-drinking, tough PI in the Sam Spade mold. She lives like a stereotype and is quite aware of it, thank you. She does these things by her choice.  This is a series I have done some worrying about. If I represent the demographics of Memphis, am I falling into the Magical Negro trap? (DeMarco hurls a mean fireball) If I don't give magic to characters of color, am I making a point or just being careless? I opted to have them use magic, but have their own ends and only reluctantly (sometimes with bribes, like the pixies) help DJ.

In Hard Reboot, for most of the book, Caitlin could be replaced by a sexy lamp. She is an object the men are squabbling over. (almost literally, after being brainwashed) She is a project. Sean has to rewire the pretty lamp, and when he does, she becomes a person again. Zara...is a mess. She may have her own arc, but all we see of her is in her interactions with men.

30 days of Witchcraft: Potions

I don't do potions or oils. Not my skill.

Also: Research a rock

I have a chunk of opalite, an opalescent glass often used as faux moonstone.

It's a pretty thing but I never checked on its properties.
It's good for meditation.
It helps remove chakra blockages
It assists during transitions of all kinds.
It helps soothe anxiety and alleviate depression
It improves sexual performance.

Not a bad thing to keep on my nightstand!

30 Days of Witchcraft: Sigil craft

I love sigil work. Like wards, this is an area where I really excel.

A Sigil is just a symbol you create to store energy in, that brings about the desired end.
It's the barest essence of witchcraft for me. I state my intention in the most precise way possible. I focus on it like a mantra. I make the sigil from the letters themselves. And then I execute it.

It's a series of simple steps. The first, always, is most important.
Craft a statement of desire.
You can't just say "I need a job." It will work but you will get offers on any job and not necessarily the one you want.
A better statement is I have a job that uses my skills and talents, provides enough money to pay my bills with an ample cushion for savings, and is legitimate and useful.

It's long, but you want to cover all the things you want in a job.

Once you have your Statement completed, and this can take days or even weeks, make the sigil.

Write out the Statement. I write two thousand words a day.
Write it again with no vowels. WRTTWTHSNDWRDSDY
Write it again, with no duplicate letters: WRTHSNDY

Now, arrange those letters into a design. Simplify, cut away lines that don't look as if they belong. Keep working on this as long as you need to.
Draw and redraw until you are satisfied.

This is one I did some time ago:


It started as letters and morphed into a symbol.

Concentrate on your desire as you draw.

But, as with all magic, you have to not only know your will but do it. You can make your sigil but you must also job hunt. The energy you put into the sigil will guide the job to you, but you must look.

To loosely paraphrase Stephen King, You can't play hide and seek with your muse. You have to be there looking for it so it can find you.

Method taken from here: https://lonerwolf.com/sigil-magic/



The second part of the post is about crafting an item for worship or your altar. My altar is pretty full right now. So here's a couple pics of things I've made instead.

 

I like grapevine pentacle wreathes a lot.

30 Days of Witchcraft: Aesthetic

I'm using the term to mean personal style.

I've loved Halloween as long as I've known about it, and delighted in the dark and dreary, the macabre and abandoned. I have a small collection of post-mortem Victorian photography. And the tradition continued in my family into the 1990s, when Grandpa died in 95. Mom sent his sister a photo of him laid out, since Aunt Wilma was unable to fly.

But my aesthetic is Witch Kitsch. I have a dozen (that's 13) signs in my house and on my door. Everything from Lucky Raven Cafe and Sleepy Hollow Inn (Broom Service available) to the one above the broom on the door that reads "come in for a spell." Even a little one that says "Yes, I do know how to drive a stick" under a broom.

If I still presented female, I would be all long gray hair and flowy skirts.
I'm more practical, jeans and novelty tee-shirts and an apron because I'm usually in the kitchen.



Also: Research a path that is not yours.

Hereditary witchcraft fascinates me. The women in my family are quite mad (5 generations of them), very psychic and not one would claim to be a witch.
I mean, we did the megavitamin and health food thing in the 1970s. We used certain herbal remedies: slippery elm for sore throats, peppermint for upset stomachs, aloe for burns, Vitamin B1 to ward off mosquitos. My grandfathers planted by the signs, just as their almanac said to.
But we were Methodist or Baptist (depending on the year), and we didn't subscribe to a lot of superstition.
My kids grew up with me reading weather signs. Olivia does it herself now and is usually right. They know how to ward and shield and ground. They knew I could make money happen when it was vital. They know I am not afraid to hex the daylights out of people who need it. And have done so several times, most recently, my grandson's birth father who was sending criminal buddies to harass my daughter-in-law.

I wonder if my kids will pass it on, and if we have started a hereditary witchcraft family of our own.

30 Days of Witchcraft catch up post: Nightscape, Altar'd state and worship

I got behind this week. My head still hurts a lot from being sick.

Nightscape:
The night sky has always called me. One of my first complete sentences came from seeing the Moon landing (at 18 months) and was "Anhe want go moom." (Angie wants to go to the moon).

By the age of 7, I knew a lot of constellations, by 10 I could read a sky chart and follow the ways they moved. And always was the dream of flying among them. That ended because of higher maths I couldn't manage

But now, I watch for planets. I sing up the sun and the moon. I  follow Orion and Scorpio as their duel their way across the dome.  I worship by moon phases and plant by them too. (beans go in Sunday)

Researching a new form of divination was one of my assignments this week. I learned about Scrying. I haven't tried it because I'm still sick. And a good friend advised me to have someone else along because I am highly sensitive to the other side and don't need to get lost. She also strongly suggested I not go looking for the Akashic Records the first time out.

The idea of the Akashic Record fascinates me. A complete record of all human thoughts, words and actions. It's like having access to the Library of Astinus on Krynn or the Library of the Great Race of Yith, both ideas I love. But trying to get there the first time is like the guy in boxer shorts with a guitar on his back stopping chasing the squirrel to go tackle a grizzley.

Altar'd States:

This is my altar.

The tarot cards have been moved to a bookshelf.

Left to right:

Ancestor section: statue from Mom, Mom's teeth, dragon pendant from Mama Dragon, Little Brown Church in the Vale bank from my grandma, Galadriel, Han Solo (bracelet around him that says Free Spirit), glass winged unicorn

.

Glass cat, because Freyja and Bast are welcome here

Medusa

Hera, flanked by peacock balls, in front of a peacock feather painted by Ollie Sparrow, with a cauldron of brooms at her feet.

My spell section:

White candle, candlestick with Horned God pendant and pentacle, 6 tarot decks with crystals, corn dolly, chalice with trans mojo bag (from Billy Martin), bowl with wand and St Michael oil, St. Michael Archangel candle, incense, cauldron with Matala seed, and screamer and Love mojo bag (from Kiwi Carlisle), pentacle plaque (from Gabriel Rodgers) and a screamer in a Frolicon shotglass.

A Crow for the Morrigan

4 nice rocks

A small sea shell for Aphrodite

A record turned art from the gay youth group.

A Hermes shrine with bunnies, draped in luck and gay pride beads, with coin offerings

6 owls

A bronze Athena

I have, of late, been considering moving Medusa and Athena closer together. Shift everything to the right, and put Hermes on the end, and Hera more in the middle where she belongs as Queen.
(The poppies were painted by my other grandmother)


Learn about a plant.
Yarrow has been popping up a lot lately, just...everywhere. In media, on pinterest.
Achillea Millefoillum. Achilles's plant of the thousand leaves. Legend has it that when Achilles was wounded during the siege of Troy, Aphrodite herself healed him with Yarrow.

It's been used to stop blood flow from ancient times, getting it the name woundwort and nosebleed plant. It grows throughout Asia, Europe and North America and has been introduced into Australia.
It's a plant with lots of white flowers and feather like leaves that spiral up the stem.

In addition to topical use, it is taken internally for gas and diarrhea. It is, however, only listed as Likely Safe, so use a lot of caution.

It has a long history of use as medicine and in love spells (because of the Aphrodite connection)
An ounce of Yarrow sewed up in flannel and placed under the pillow before going to bed, having repeated the following words, brought a vision of the future husband or wife:
'Thou pretty herb of Venus' tree,
Thy true name it is Yarrow;
Now who my bosom friend must be,
Pray tell thou me to-morrow.'
---(Halliwell's Popular Rhymes, etc.)

It can attract love, draw in distant people, serve as protection against negative people,  It can be combined with mint and chamomile for a cleansing and restoring incense.


Worship:
Worship has been a thing my entire life. Every Sunday morning (unless I was throwing-up sick) was spent in uncomfortable clothing (wrestling with tights and later panty hose) and bored silly.
It took a long time to understand more about worship than just singing songs and praying and listening to someone drone on during a warm summer morning.

Worship is the food of the gods. It is their life. A god without worshipers dies. It doesn't have to be hours of bored and elaborate classical hymns.
 I sing of golden-throned Hera whom Rhea bare. Queen of the immortals is she, surpassing all in beauty: she is the sister and the wife of loud-thundering Zeus, -- the glorious one whom all the blessed throughout high Olympus reverence and honour even as Zeus who delights in thunder.

It can be a morning greeting, a small prayer to each, an offering if one has been located. A weekly dusting as you talk to each god the items represent. (Wednesday is my dusting day)  Now, it's a time to chat with people who love me, to tell them how things are going here, to wish them well and thank them for the good.

A new to me form of magic:

Since I'm a fiber artist, cord and knot magic intrigue me. I made my daughter's boyfriend a knitted wool hat with seven braids of seven turns, and felted it to make it water resistant. It was to keep him safe as he traveled on his trucking.

Knot spells are often used for protection or to manifest something. But they can also be used for hexes. The caster ties their intent and power up in the knot, creating the spell. It store the power until it's needed

The pattern of tying the knots is as follows:
1--6--4--7--3--8--5--9--2

Cords are traditionally 9 feet or 9 inches long and of a color correspondence appropriate to the spell:
Red: strength, health, love, energy, passion
Orange: Adaptability, business goals
Yellow: Intelligence, memory, confidence
Green: luck, money, prosperity
Blue: Tranquility, patience, wisdom
Violet: psychic ability, spiritual growth, power
Black: Protection, binding, repelling negativity
White: purity, higher self (also can sub for any color)



For binding things: 3 or 9 knots are best used. The object to be bound is visualized and power poured into the cord. To seal the spell, it can be burned so the knots can never be untied.

For manifesting, it's best done on the new moon and the knots released over days until the full moon.

For a hex
You will need a piece of thick string or yarn about 9 or 10 inches long. You will tie 3 separate knots a couple inches apart as you recite the following while tying each knot.

"With this knot I seal this hex
you will not sleep, you will not rest
Knots of anger, knots of hate
Discord brings you to your fate

This knot makes two
Bringing darkness over you
Slander, discord, evil too
Bringing darkness straight to you

With this third knot, I do bind
Weaving chaos in your mind
Hex of anger, hex of hate
Bring them down, I will not wait"

So it be now made manifest! As you do this spell be thinking of all the chaos that it is going to bring to your enemy and make sure you are worked up into a rage before doing the spell. This will make it all the more effective. When you are done see if you can hide this string (with the knots now tied) around your enemies home, this will make it more potent. If not then save it in a special place until you decide to untie the knots and give your enemy a second chance.

For more ways to use or make knots:

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/2018/8/26/11-unusual-ways-to-use-cords-knots-in-your-magic