[Pagan} Tourism in the Land of the Dead or I've been dead three times this month and didn't hand make any presents

Only in pagan circles.

Christians will say God told them to do something. And they never scruple about talking to God.
But if you want weird religious experiences, talk to pagans. We've been kicked in the head, possessed, impregnated and more by our gods.

And I've been dead three times since my birthday. More specifically, I've been to the land of the dead twice, and dead twice.

I walked the path to the Land of the Dead the first time on November 15th in the Festival of Souls Labyrinth.

The Labyrinth is the same pattern from year to year. But every walk is different. I've done it three times in 13 years. The first, I walked and chatted with my three grandmothers. (maternal, paternal bio and paternal adoptive)

The second, right after I lost my mother and a good friend, was a dark walk down into darkness, with the candles dying in my wake. No one was there, except me.

This year was a quiet, meditative walk. There was only one other person in the labyrinth (the other cook) and we passed like shades, sometimes near, sometimes from afar. I understood then, there was no one in the labyrinth to see me or visit me from the other side. This was my journey. I was recreating a soul's journey to the Land of the Dead. I had to understand it. That I have to understand this, tells me I may be called on to serve as guide again.

I came to the center, lit some incense, breathed and grounded. Then, I stepped over the rows of candles and let myself out. Because when you serve Hermes Psychopompus you get a "Get out of Hades Free" card. My arthritic legs needed it.

On Saturday night, the 16th, Gabriel hosted the Primal rit.

We passed though the veil (we were draped in cloth and had it raised on the opposite side we entered, letting us into the circle) and were beyond the land of the living.

There was a tale of The Beast, and how, after death, we are allowed to run with the Beast, and dance, and explore, until we choose what we would like next.

We chanted and danced, literally until we dropped. Then we were raised back to our feet, back to life, and sent back to the Land of the Living.

It was a powerful thing and I was very quiet rest of the weekend.

After all, I had been dead and was back. That changes a great many things about perspective and attitude.

But after my return, I wasn't quite right. Things were dark, dim. Even a sunny afternoon felt bleak. And I was dim myself. Food didn't taste much. Nothing moved me. I hadn't smiled for weeks. And I realized, I had left something on the other side.

So, December 13, at midnight under the last dregs of the last full moon of the year, Gabriel sent me back to the Land of the Dead. It took very little, just energy straight into my brain.

I walked with Hermes on the banks of the Styx and Charon came for us. Hades and Persephone welcomed me. They said I had left a lot here and I needed to take it back with me.

Hades showed me a pile of scintillating glass, in a rainbow of colors. "All the bits of yourself you have thrown away and killed off. You need them back."

"How?"

Persephone put the glass into an amphora, raising it in a vortex and swirling it in. "Drink it down, dear. The glass will work its way out of your skin as you reabsorb the traits you need."

I stared at the vase, a good three feet tall and full of bits of sharp glass. "I can't."

"You will." Hades brooked no argument. He's a stern god and when he says, you do. He held the amphora and I swallowed, the glass flowing down my throat in a painful river. I drank forever, tears running down my face.

I went down, deep inside where the cauldron of sacred fire rides in my hips, burning an eternal green. I guided the glass to the fire, hoping to be more comfortable. I had cast these unpleasant bits out for a reason.

Persephone stroked my face when I was done and told me I had done well. Hades reminded me they didn't want to see me for a long while. They sent me back to Hermes who walked me to the banks of the Styx.

Just as Charon hove in sight, Hades came to us. "You need to take this with you." He gestured at a coffin.

I opened it. Inside was a middle aged woman, a younger version of me, either dead or sleeping. In her arms lay a drowned little girl of about three or four, her skin waterlogged and gray, lake-water soaking her hair and dress. Marie. The original personality.

"I can't carry the box," I said.

"It cannot stay here without you?"

I stared at Angel, the public personality who had gone into the box several years ago, leaving me in charge. I wanted to cry at the sight of Marie. It was my job to protect her in death, as none of us could in life. And here she was, out of her room, out of her bed, looking worse by the second.

A deep ripping started somewhere near my head and Zara stepped out of us. We hadn't seen her in months. She stood, tall, all in black, her long black hair flowing free down her back.

"I will keep them until the others return." She covered the dead ones up and closed the box with a sorceress' seal. She lifted the box which grew smaller in her hands. She pressed it down to the size of a wallet and tucked it into her robes, near where her heart would be, if it wasn't in a jar. (at least I hope she put it back in its jar after the rage of grief in '15)

Hades smiled as Charon beached.  I thanked him, and thanked Charon, who grumbled about "tourists" as he shoved off. Hermes sat beside me with his invisibility cloak draped over us as we rode

I felt sicker and sicker, the glass riding badly. He held me and let me cuddle into his chest. One of the pieces of glass worked its way out of my skin on my chin, Clear now, all of me gone from it. He plucked it away and tossed it in the Styx.

"This is ridiculous. I can fix it but it will hurt a lot."

"Love, I just drank a pitcher of ground glass and had a whole alt ripped from me. Right now, pain is the least of my worries."

(about here, Megan opened the bedroom door and I came up briefly into the dream of reality. Gabriel sent me back down and he and Evan put their hands on me to help me stay down)

When we disembarked, he took me to a quiet part of the shore.

A gesture brought all of the glass out of me, shredding my skin. I screamed at that. He brought the brazier of scared fire out of me too. In a way only a god could, he passed the glass through the fire and it came up on the end of a glass blower's pipe.

"Blow, all you have and are and can be, blow it in here."

I blew the longest breath ever, draining everything to the tip of my toes. I took the fire back into myself, because it is mine. He tapped the glass off and said, "Look."

A beautiful, multicolored tempered glass heart lay in his hands. "It's still breakable, and as such will never be truly practical." He tipped it into my chest. "Go back now."

I sat upright and my eyes were clear. Evan was shaking his hand which was all pins and needles. Gabriel laughed at him. "It's been in the land of the dead, son, did you not expect it to feel odd?"

I told them all that had happened in the 18 minutes I had been gone.


Tonight was my most recent trip.

Tonight, my girlfriend's father died of stage four lung cancer. Eight months ago, it was a spot smaller than a dime. Tonight, it had eaten most of his lungs and metastasized into his bones. Agent Orange is a hell of a thing.

I went to the astral. He was waiting for me there, looking lost. And then looking a bit confused that I was the one to help him.

We walked the labyrinth together, his arthritis and the limp from his brain damage (car accident) gone. We talked. I promised to look after his daughter. It was a long walk to the center, even though it was only a seven-turn labyrinth. His grip on my hand got lighter and lighter.

At the center, he let go in a blinding flash of light and was gone.

I let myself out the usual way, stepping over two rows of candles.

When I opened my eyes, it was twenty minutes later than it had been.

He has gone swiftly and well.


Now, I'm hungry again. This veil crossing stuff will do that to a guy.

So there it is. Been dead twice and walked up to the gates of it two more times. It's been a rough forty days.

How does it end?

I listen to the repeat of John Fugelsang's show as I drive to work in the morning. He does a segment called "Enhanced Interrogation" and always asks "How does this end?" I listen to Dean Obeidalla at night, and he always says "I can't predict what's next because I'm not a sociopath or a psychopath."

I am a psychopath. And I know how it ends.

1) The impeachment passes the House. The Senate either refuses to convict or refuses to hold the trial at all.

2) That man gets a second term, whether though Russian/Ukrainian interference, gerrymandering, general fraud or all the above.

3) Having declared Jews a Nationality as well as a Religion, he begins encouraging moves to Israel. Soon these become less encouraged and more compelled.
3a) Birthright citizenship is abolished.

4) He expands the concentration camp system. ICE gets less careful about making sure the people interned are not US citizens. When American citizens bring suit, Hispanic and Latin@ people will be declared automatically illegal aliens. More deaths. A major illness gets a foothold among the population and massive numbers of deaths occur. The bodies are buried in a mass grave, or cremated. The world is outraged.

5) The UN human rights commission and ACLU and major news outlets demand to see the camps. Observers are invited to do so, and promptly interned. Reporters are declared enemies of the state, of the people and of the world. Killing them is encouraged, jailing them is mandatory. When the UN logs a formal protest, it is evicted from New York City and the US unilaterally withdraws (via executive order, of course)

6) ALEC gets enough support for that constitutional convention. They only need 6 more states. With this group in charge, all changes will be made to benefit corporations and the rich. They'll start with a balanced budget amendment, and this will mandate cutting all social and benefit programs, in fact, everything but the military, to achieve.They may remove the very outdated 3rd Amendment (quartering soldiers), and use that as a springboard for others. The 13th, 15th and 19th are going to come under special fire.

They absolutely repeal the 22nd. The first is deeply abridged.

7) The 2024 election is rigged even harder than the 2020. Trump is either completely gone mentally or has died in office and been rigged up as an audioanimatronic. (h/t Norman Spinrad's "World War Last") Should this not be the case, he will have passed the presidency to either Don Jr. or Jared.

8) We have elections every 4 years, but the votes aren't actually counted and there is forever a Trump in the White House. Until they move it back to Trump Tower because Washington DC is a declasse address.

9) Under Mike Pence, the Evangelicals get their way in every particular. When Roe, followed by Griswold, is overturned, some of them lose their fervor and close their pocketbooks, so the next great enemy is created. As Roe was used to take the place of segregation, so they will use racial issues to take the place of Roe. America is a White Christian Country, and by their White Jesus, they're going to make it one.

Non-Christians are encouraged to convert. Soon encouraged becomes required. Places of worship are closed, meetings are banned, businesses are boycotted and sometimes targeted for violence. It starts with Jews, Muslims and Hindus, soon expanding to Sikhs, Buddists and pagans. Some white atheists begin quietly passing for Christian, as do some white non-Christians.  Some manage to out-migrate.

Modesty culture becomes mandatory and sumptuary laws are seen again for the first time in centuries. Women begin to be shut out of some jobs, and then more and more.

The QUILTBAG is forced back into the closet, legislated against and tracked. Rumors of re-education/concentration camps abound.

10) As we have run out of Hispanic and Latin@ people, African Americans are declared African, not American. Under the 13th amendment alterations and destruction of birthright citizenship, they are illegal aliens and can either be interned or re-enslaved. Or deported. Those who can still afford it, escape to Mexico, Brazil and Canada. Some join the African Deportation, sponsoring their own ships, and planes, with captains guaranteed not to dump the passengers in the ocean.

Through it all, we keep cozying up to Russia. More and more Russian words begin to show up in everyday use, beginning with Fox News and carrying over to politicians. By 2032, it almost sounds as if we're speaking Nadsat.
We remain entangled in eternal wars around the world.

As rest of the world tries to move forward, we maintain our stubborn retreat. As the oceans rise, our scientists are banned from talking about climate change. People who can get out start trying, but soon the borders close.
The economy continues to be lopsided, many many low wage workers, a few very wealthy at the top. No middle class. Some people still identify as such and try to maintain the mid-20th centuries values from their grandparents and parents, but most do not. Corporations make the laws, alter the tax code to their benefits and nearly own the people outright. The Company Town makes an appearance, possibly in its shiny, futuristic disguise of an arcology.


How does it end? This nasty retreat into corporate feudalism?
I'm not sure it does. But this is where I see things going right now, barring some cataclysmic event.