[Trans stuff] An interesting question

So the other night, a very old friend asked a rude but salient question:
"Do you really want a dick?"

This got me thinking--again--about what levels of surgery and alterations I want for my body. And about the kind of sex life I plan to have after transition.

Neither of these left me sanguine, so I decided to write them out and see if it helped.

1) My nipples are a primary erogenous zone. They are also too large to appear masculine (a decade of pregnancy and nursing), even on a flat chest. In point of fact, I would look like someone had slapped an evenflo bottle on my chest.

2) My breasts need to go. Until these DDDs are off my chest, I will never read masculine.

3) I need to keep whittling on my hips. I'm hourglass shaped (okay, it's a 3 hour hourglass), and carry as much sand in the lower half as the upper. The first place I lose is my waist.

4) I do want hormones. I'm told this may be enough to enlarge my clitoris to a workable size. My response was a hollow laugh an the words "You mean it might be visible."

5) Phalloplasties are extremely expensive (50-150K) and don't take in about 30-60% of cases. I don't take skin grafts well (ask my ENT doctors) so this would possibly be a waste of time, money and pain. They are also highly subject (55%) to fistulas. The end result is fairly realistic, although if it dies, it can end all erotic sensation (about 20%).

The thing is, without the phalloplasty, I'll never be anything but a bottom eunuch. I'm already resigned to being a bi guy, with the understanding I will be primarily gay. And in my current relationship, me being the bottom is the only way we'll stay together. I could resign myself to twenty sexless years, but that feels not only unpleasant, but unfair to my husband.

It's one of those many awkward conversations I'm not sure how to have and I'm not sure either of us even has the vocabulary to hold.

In short, this all requires a lot more thought and research.

For those who want to know, my answer was "I would love one. But they're just not up to par yet. I'll wait for actual transplants."