Planning for the week ahead

Monday:
put insurance in car
Work
Gym
Call law firm
call unemployment
Egg salad lunch
work
burritos or pizza
Jon's first day of the new semester!

Tuesday
Work
Pb lunch
sort out Patreon
write
work
pizza or burritos for dinner

Wednesday
work
gym
egg salad
work
pork stew

Thursday
work
gym
PB
work
chicken alfredo

Friday
work
gym
tuna salad
work
??

Saturday
9-1 Michaels
grocery shop

Goals for the Week:
1 cleaning activity per day (3 days last week, let's improve)
Play the 3 high ticket tournaments (i keep missing the 6:30)
Bed after the 830 tournament, set up the stuff and go read (paper book) until 9:15 (hollow laugh)
Read 1 book (2/3rds done)
Watch 1 movie (nope)
Finish lovey (nope)
Write 3000 words (hollow laugh)
Edit Manicurists up to land of the dead. (I got a clean copy to work from)
Make all my Swag points for the daily bonus (check!)

Planning for the Week Ahead

Goals for the Week:
1 cleaning activity per day
Play the 3 high ticket tournaments
Bed after the 830 tournament, set up the stuff and go read (paper book) until 9:15
Read 1 book
Watch 1 movie
Finish lovey
Write 3000 words
Edit Manicurists up to land of the dead.
Make all my Swag points for the daily bonus


Sunday:
Grocery shop
Work (leave at 9) 10-2:30
Dinner: ham and scalloped potatoes
laundry
make lunch
lay out for Monday

Monday:
Work
Register Jon for School
work
tax shop
pizza

Tuesday:
Work
gym/lunch/write
work
burritos for dinner

Wednesday:Work
gym/lunch/write
work
frito pie

Thursday
Work
gym/lunch/write
work
Aldis
out

Friday
Work
gym/lunch/write
work
Aldis
Mexican turkey

Saturday
Michaels 9-1
Meal plan
housework

Early January randomness

I am a man with many things on my mind.

My youngest graduates this year. Ollie is chronically ill and often has days she cannot get out of bed. I worry about how she will do with college and with life.

***
I internalized a lot of misogyny in my teens. I still have a lot of it. I hold myself superior to the women at work because I don't take 5-7 minutes in the bathroom. I've always tried to be quick in the bathroom to keep up with the guys who don't have to undress. I felt pressured to not keep them waiting on the woman.

I find as I mentally transition more, I want less to do with women. I don't want to be around them or socialize with them. I barely want to talk to them, outside of work. I haven't felt like this since college. (I went to an engineering school for a reason and a 5:1 male:female ratio was one)

I especially don't want to be around transwomen. Not only do the hormones make them crazy, as they do all adolescents, they are negation of what I am and am becoming.

***
Exposure to people unlike you does not necessarily spark empathy and reduce prejudice.

***

Side-hustling myself silly for a vacation is feeling ridiculous in the light of our actual finances. I can't do anything about those. I'm working 7 days a week as is.

***

I have no motivation whatsoever. Not to clean or write or craft. I need to find my blue yarn and finish the lovey.

***
When I was a Christian, I wondered how God could love such an awful person. As a pagan, the gods use my awfulness as part of my task. It's unpleasant.

***

A discussion came up on facebook about how "nice" is often just a cover. I like the idea I picked up on Tumblr: nice comes from the head and is about what will make the person look best. Kind is from the heart, and is concerned for the other person. Manners are a matter of habit and make people easier to live with.

I have none of the three.

***
Took the kids to see Labyrinth at the IMAX. Still sorting out why this movie, which should be very squicky, is not. I've come up with 2 things: everyone's sexual orientation is David Bowie or it's actually all about consent, which is quite healthy for an 80's film about female sexual awakening. He does nothing until she asks him to take the child, and when she tells him a definitive NO (you have no power over me), everything ends.

2018 recap

So what did you do this year, Nicky?

I found a re-issue publisher for my roaring 20s stuff.

I finished Master Anton.
I re-edited Glad Hands
I wrote 6 short stories
I kept up with my patreon. Ish. I missed a couple months on new stories.
Unseen stories published this year:
Wishing away (flower fairies)
A gift of scars (8 thrones)
A fools Taj Mahal (horror)
Neighbors (horror)
Fannish Activity (erotica)
Under the Skirts of Sherwood (Robin hood)
Rock the Casbah (Edward and Charlie)
Growth in a Desolate Season (fantasy)
The Construct Job (fanfic)
Step Into the Circle: Winter (children's)

I also recapped 11 Smallville episodes

I continued going to the gym.
I started a daily spiritual practice.
I was called by the Morrigan.
I went through rehab and can now drive a truck without my 2012 error hanging over me

I read 36 books. Stone Butch Blues and The Art of Manliness were two of the most important. World War Z was brilliant. And Moonlight Sonata amazed me on every level.

I saw 51 movies, 15 of them new. I saw a lot I hadn't seen in decades. The Black Hole and The Dark half sort of hold up. The Seventh Seal still works. Excalibur is a mess. Mamma Mia is one of the most pagan things I've ever seen on screen.

I made a lot of things.
I learned about tie-dye and using a planner.
I learned a lot about Disney.
I worked a lot.
I failed to get a job as a truck driver. Three times.

Planning for the week ahead

To Do:
Finish lovey, deliver
Finish scarf, mail
Make cocoon
Make hat
Mail huge box


Mon:
work
Aldi mystery shop

Tues
Work

Wed
Work
Sonic shop

Thurs,
work
field trip
panda garden

Fri:
Work
Michaels 8-midnite

Saturday:
Yule

December already and my wishlist

So here it is, December second.
I made no posts during November. Not even about being subjected to torture for a week. A high, inescapable continuous sound is classified by the UN as torture. My bus was in the shop and the replacement had a constant low-air alarm. I've been working 7 day weeks, and will until January.

I'm behind on everything, including crafting. I have hard deadlines and am working on a lovey, a c2c afghan and a scarf. After the c2c is done, a cocoon shawl and a hat round out that order.

The gamers call it grinding. It's when you do small, tedious tasks over and over to advance a skill.
It's the embodiment of the Eight of Pentacles.

And I'm grinding.
Money is the worst it's been in a while.

The Disney Trip is a dream that sustains me. It gave me a place to escape the Torturebus. It gives me hope I can do things I want to and make things better. And it is, on the face of it, ridiculous. There are so many other things I could use $3000 to do. So so many places it would make a difference.

On Livejournal, we used to wishlists on this group. We would list some things: physical, virtual or otherwise, that we really wanted. Other members of the group would fill the desires they could.

My wishlist:

A trucking company that is willing to retrain me and put me on a dedicated.
More patrons for Patreon
A job for my younger son, who has minimal skills
New shoes. Mine are starting to wear.
Space heaters with low electrical draw and high output. It's going to be a cold winter and our bedroom one is defunct

There is literally nothing wrong with my life that 250,000 wouldn't fix. (That's the amount that will pay ALL our debt: house, cars, medical and student loans. Our consumer debt is about $100.)


But all told, I am thankful for what I have.
My house is still standing, even if 60% of it doesn't work
My oldest is self supporting
My older son survived the Army (barely, medical discharge after being hit by a crane) and is starting school next semester.
My younger son is in school for IT and doing well.
My youngest daughter is an honor student.
I have a job I love and pays all right (not great, but all right)
I have my husbands. Both of them.
My father is still with us, still well and leading an active senior life.
My sisters are doing solidly.
My cats love me.

Backlist ideas

When one makes a substantial life change, there is always the question of how much of the old life to drag along.

I have a substantial body of work. And I needed to decide what to do with the novels

Eight Thrones Saga
Anthony--forthcoming
Nikolai Revenant--out
Glad Hands—forthcoming (rewritten)
Master Anton—needs rewrites
NikoChan—needs rewriting from the ground up


Roaring 20s paranormal:
Curse of the Pharaoh’s Manicurists--contracted
Terror of the Frozen North--contracted
Mystery of the Monkey God--writing

Memphis Paranormal:
Spellbound Desire—needs rewriting
Wild Hunt--out

Others
Alive on the Inside--trunk
Barbarossa’s Bitch—reissue, new title, rewrites. Post-apocalyptic gay bikers in Kansas.
Hard Reboot—hard rewrite. het cyberpunk.
Heart of a Forest--trunk
Heart’s Bounty--re-issue, needs some small edits. Space bounty hunters
Power in the Blood—reissue, minor rewrites, Vampire apocalypse in Memphis
Privateer’s Treasure--trunk
Shell Shocked--trunk
The Sweet Science of Bruising—find publisher. het (with bi leanings) steampunk.