Getting help for a problem I don't have

All right, so here's the scoop.

I have a truck line interested (filling out I9 paperwork tomorrow) but I have to have a Substance Abuse Program Certificate before I can be hired.

But Nicky, I hear you saying, YOU? A substance abuser?

No, I'm not and that is where the problem begins to thicken.

In October of 2012, I drove auto parts for Schneider. I had a sleeper cab and a 28' pup trailer with lift gate. I unloaded parts ranging from windshield wipers to engine blocks, often without mechanical assistance. I drove from West Memphis AR to Kennet MO (flat land) and then up into the mountains to Hardy AR.

My work day started at 1 AM. I was required by law to sleep 4 hours a night with my CPAP. I never got much more than that though, because of the hours. I was sleep-deprived enough I had regular hallucinations in the early morning hours. My most common was a 2-story house made of an apple.

Like this but with an upstairs.

On October 22, I was particularly sleep deprived. My girl Cat, who has ADHD and take Adderall for it, was riding along.  When I began yelling at the apple for appearing five miles too early, she began to worry. When I hit the rumble strip for the third time in two minutes, she offered me an adderall, since caffeine wasn't adequate.

I took it. Knowing I was doing wrong but knowing there were mountains coming and knowing rolling down the side of one was NOT on my agenda. (Also that long, steep, narrow bridge at Black Rock loomed large)

I managed to finish my run, but I got called for a random drug test that day. (I have my suspicions it was NOT random and one of the drivers I delivered to said something)

On Oct 26 I was fired for amphetamine use, since it was NOT my prescription.

Since then, I have not driven a truck. Every truck line I called said "go through a substance abuse program." I didn't need one. I wasn't going to do it.
We've been struggling a lot.
And I finally got over myself enough to go and do the SAP program. $450 to get me a job that pays $800/week.  I think that's fair.

So two three-day weeks, and I am good to drive again. The problem is when you say you're there for SAP, but you don't have a problem, that's ALL KINDS of red flags to your shrink.

I don't care. I'll work the program and get the job.