At a crossroad

I'm in a quandary and need to write it out.

Option 1:

I give up. I take to my bed as my great great grandmother did, and no longer worry about whether the family is a going concern.

Why it appeals: Mudd got a year off with a broken back. Jon got a year off and hid in his room. When do I get MY year off?

Pros: takes the pressure of making a living off me.

Cons: My back will be hurting before supper time. And I'll die of malnutrition if I leave it to the guys to cook. And Mudd will pester me for input on every decision anyway, no matter how many times I tell him to leave me alone.

Option 2:

I crawl back to the school bus and Michaels

Why it appeals: A known schedule. A steady paycheck. The gym. Writing time.

Pros: Set schedule, predictable pay. Benefits. A job I know I can do. Comfortable

Cons: 6-7 day workweek. Brutal hours, 4:30 AM to 6:30 PM. Pay is enough to get by, not enough to thrive. Admitting I'm a fraud. One more failure in the list.

Option 3:

I call a number I have and say my bylath sent me.

Why it appeals: Trucking again. All Fed-ex line haul. Maybe even dedicated.

Pros: Line haul is drop and hook. One customer. Known destinations. Home several nights a week. New Equipment. growing company. Decent pay but not top money.

Cons: 42c/mile. No benefits (company is too small) Starting from square one.

Option 4:

I continue training with the place I've been and get on with them.

Why it appeals: Truck driving.

Pros: Trucker pay. 50c/mile. benefits. All drop and hook or live load. Possibility of some steady Williams Sonoma work. Paperwork is all done.

Cons: OTR. All my OTR memories are trauma memories. Terrifying Not much home time. I'm failing egregiously at the backing up part. Hitting docks is not my best skill. Company fines you every time you turn around. Possible money laundering/Russian Mob company. Chicago every three months.